For context, please read: Disappointment.

This month has been filled with many illuminations (I suppose you could call them revelations) as to my own sinful heart. I was thinking about this again very recently and I feel as though I need to repent of this.

To be honest with all of you, I was wrong in my judgment of the committee. Actually, I was wrong about a lot of things with respect to how I should have conducted myself in the face of disappointment.

I was listening to the second half of the CJ Mahaney sermon yesterday night. I repent of my ambition for self-glorification, to attain a status for myself on the committee for the sake of myself and my own reputation! Oh, that this truth was made evident to me earlier, that I would be humbled right then and there. I thank God for His patience in dealing with me, the chief of sinners.

Humility is definitely a true friend. I was thinking about how the committee was formed. Would I have personally chosen some of these people to lead in their respective ministries? No. In my own sinful heart, I would have chosen by what looked best, only in their fruit.

1 Samuel 16:7, "But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”"

How often that I am like Samuel, impressed by a show of physical prowess, or an ability to do certain things. I view things through the cultural lens of perceived greatness. CJ Mahaney's sermon on humility exposited Isaiah 66:1-2 and Mark 10:32-45 and it was a powerful reminder of what I should remember as true greatness. It is not greatness in the eyes of man, which is built on temporal reputation, but an eternal pursuit for what God pays attention to: "he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word." (Isaiah 66:2). How great it is, that we should be patiently brought into His fellowship, that we could be given His Word by which we are taught. In the example of James and John in Mark 10:35-45, I am reminded that even the disciples, men who were actually around Jesus, were no better while He was still with them. They all desired positions of greatness on earth, even requesting of the Saviour Himself that they would be placed in positions of glory. I am humbled that they learned their lesson, moving on to even martyrdom. May I press on joyfully with a humble and contrite heart to be molded by His work in me.

I repent of that proud spirit today, that my desire for being worship coordinator may be forgiven. Thank God for His patience. Thank Christ for His redemptive sacrifice on the Cross for dying for this sin, for my sins.